The Dangers of Perfectionism

“I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.”

^ This, my friends, is called perfectionism, and I’m sure this is not to anyone’s surprise, but I am 100% fully & wholly a perfectionist.  This is something I’ve joked about for a long time, and when people mention it, I just kinda brush it off.  However, currently I am reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, courtesy of my lovely sister, Emily.

Here is what I have learned so far:

 I’m not the only one.

I’m not writing this because I want attention or because I want people to ask me about it. In fact, it took a lot of contemplation and convincing myself to do it.  I’m saying this for those who are afraid to do so.  And trust me, I still am.  What I have learned so far is that shame and perfectionism go hand in hand, much to my surprise.  And shame is a lot harder to admit than perfectionism.  At least perfectionism sounds like I’m successful.  But that’s just it.  It’s about how everyone else perceives me.  Shame is a huge thing to admit. And it’s a daily struggle. It doesn’t end here. It’s a process every day.

It’s meeting up with some new friends with the one goal being for them to like you.  It’s messing up and not telling a soul.  It’s not being yourself, but being the person you think everyone else wants you to be. Doing what you have to in order to be liked, wanted, or accepted.

“Perfectionism is not striving to be your best.”

It’s not striving to be your best. It’s striving to present yourself as the best, according to other peoples’ standards.  Perfectionism is not healthy.  I don’t even know what a life without perfectionism feels like.  What does it feel like to wake up in the morning and not feel the pressure of completing every single task on your “way too long” todo list? What does it feel like to not alter your personality, your jokes, your loud laugh depending on who you are around? What does it feel like to not compare yourself to every single person you encounter and always see yourself as lesser than and feeling like you aren’t doing enough?

This past week, I couldn’t go into work one day because I was sick, and let me tell you, that was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time.  Not because I was sick, but because I wasn’t accomplishing anything.  I was letting people down.  Normally, people will embrace a day without tasks to complete, but that is my personal hell.  Nothing to do??? How on earth will I feel complete? It’s a different world of anxiety that you only know if you experience it.

“Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”

Spoiler alert:  This never works out in the end.  It suffocates us, our friends, our families, and our relationships. I’ve had very few true friendships because I have always put on the perfection front, which gives off the impression that I view myself as perfect.  You could not be further from wrong.  That front from perfectionists is often because we simply do view ourselves as imperfect, not worthy of friendship, love, or attention.  Because I have consistently put on that front, very few people truly know me

Perfectionism is like this shield that weighs 10 freakin tons.  We carry it around thinking that it’s going to protect us, but it’s exactly the thing that is holding us back: from relationships, from being our true selves, from letting go of shame.

Perfectionism heightens the feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. When we embrace these imperfections and let others see them, we find courage. We find compassion. And we find connection.  We find these gifts in ourselves, and we find them in others.

 

People in Places Doing Things

This week I moved to Nashville.

See here’s proof:

And since I’ve been here I’ve realized a few things

1. Adulting is hard

Yes, I know I’m not really adulting. My parents are paying for my apartment (and all my food), but I am working at a full time internship and it definitely is a glimpse into what life will be life in just 2 short years.

I work overtime, I do work for my job over the weekends, and I come home from a long day at work, workout, make dinner, and then I go to bed. That’s it. If you’re a college student like me, you know that this is not what we’re used to. We’re used to going to class for a few hours a day and usually doing homework/studying for more hours than we’re in class, but we also walk 2 minutes to the next dorm to get to our best friend’s room.

We go to our club meetings, hang out with our friends, and still make time for a bachelor viewing party (and sometimes, even go to a party). There’s so much more to college than just the classes and studying, but it seems like professional life as a young adult right out of college is not going to be like that. And that’s mostly because…

2. Making friends is hard

Yeah. I never thought I’d say that. I’m an ENFJ over here. “E” meaning “extrovert.” No, that doesn’t mean I talk too much (well, maybe) it just means that I’m really friendly and talk to a lot of people. And you would think that means that making friends would be super easy, right? Wrong.

Things that aren’t in the real world:

1. Sororities
2. Films Clubs
3. Campus Ministries

AKA, all the ways I’ve made friends the past few years.

You mean, I can’t just join a sorority over the summer and make 150 new friends?  It’s not that easy. Community is huge, and it takes a lot more effort to find a community that fits you when you aren’t in your college town.

3. Learning doesn’t stop when you aren’t in school

I’m not trying to whine here, I promise I have a point. Being here for just a week, without knowing a single soul, has forced me to reflect more than I have ever had to. I’m having time to learn and do things I haven’t had time to do because of school (like write a blog post). Today, anxiety was getting the best of me, so I decided to take my trusty camera and get some cool shots of the surroundings of my new apartment.  I set out with the purpose of getting some nature shots to calm myself with the beauty of God’s earth and pay more attention to the simple things.

As I was wandering around, I found myself wanting to get shots of people instead. The people occupying the space were doing things that gave them joy, with people that gave them joy. I think that God created this earth for us to enjoy and find peace in, and that is best done with others. So… here is a not so professional video of people in places, doing things, because that’s all God wants us to do here.

 

Man Up: Wrong Date, New Perspective

“Don’t be such a negative Nancy.”

We have all heard this common phrase used to describe a person that is stuck in the revolving door of pessimism, regret or bitterness, all of which accurately represent the main character, Nancy (played by Lake Bell), of the rom-com, Man Up.

Recently released on May 29, 2015, the film, directed by The Inbetweeners’ Ben Palmer, received relatively successful reviews by critics and average viewers. BBC Films produced a heart clutching, perhaps somewhat cliché, love story between two Londoners that exhibits the habits and outlooks on life that portray “Britishness,” through the character’s actions and experiences.

Immediately charming, Jack (Simon Pegg) unavoidably mistakes the harsh, yet witty Nancy (Lake Bell) as his blind date in Waterloo Station. They journey through London on the date, while Jack is unaware that he has met the wrong person. The two unknowingly share a disappointment with their current (lack of) dating situations. The date itself unsurprisingly begins with both actors simultaneously chugging a beer.

In fact, the thread of the movie happens to be a bar, which is a very quintessential London evening. The date progresses to the bowling alley where (again, unsurprisingly) the two continue to drink to the point of complete drunkenness. The behavior of the two is quite acceptable, even funny, to bystanders because it is so common in the culture to publicly drink.

Both Jack and Nancy learn to go with the flow, similar to everyone else surrounding them. The British culture seems to be very calm about spontaneous situations, which the main characters modeled very well by the end of the feature. Nancy’s sister continuously encouraged her to be more spontaneous and confident in herself, which is what most Brits exemplify in their actions. The first scene opens with Nancy Patterson self-confining to the hotel room she rented for an engagement party where she ordered room service instead of taking action. Nancy had several mantras, including “be more spontaneous” and “get thunder thighs,” that she repeated with full intentions on following through with the goals. It is not until Nancy stops intentionally trying to fulfill these mantras that she actually does achieve them. Her spontaneous decision to consume the role as the blind date proves to be rewarding since it leads to almost every one of her life mantras to be completed.

The actions of the characters represent the people of Britain very well through the boisterous adventures, the spontaneity and the natural habitual drinking. While the love story archetype of boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, is completely overdone and cliché, the actors of this film notably helped pull it off. The cinematography was minimal, as it typically is in Rom-Coms since it is more focused on the story.  The only part of the plot of Man Up that was not cliché was the story of how they met, and that is the saving grace of what kept the film interesting to begin with; after that, it was all the actors. The actors very successfully portrayed protagonists that were charismatic and relatable, captivating the audience’s empathy from start to finish.

Response to the Wainstein Report rumors

As a student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, it saddens me to see all the harsh comments towards the educational system at the university.  Yes, there has been academic fraud in the past.  IN THE PAST.  While this report is affecting students at the university now because of all the prying that was done on the allegations, there is no longer any academic fraud currently, nor has there been for the past 5 years.

Student-Athletes have been the target of the accusations because of the previous “easy” classes offered to former student-athletes.  The student-athletes at UNC have to perform at high levels in practice/games AND in the class room.  These students have to balance their school work and their sport through extreme time-management and hard work every single day.

A group of students and I chose to document a day in the life of a student-athlete at UNC Chapel Hill, through filming a Varsity Cross Country runner, Chris Madaffari.  We created a time-lapse video to represent the hard work and dedication that is required of student-athletes at our wonderful university.

As always, its always a GDTBATH

Below is the link to the time lapse:

Producing Supervisor: Allison Griffith

Ideas and Storyboarding: Chris Madafarri

Ideas and Media: Abbey Rogers

Editor: Sarah Lanning

The Truman Show

Running time: 103 minutes

Released: 1998

Re-watchability: 8/10

As a movie with an atypical storyline, The Truman Show (directed by Peter Weir) is not only entertaining but also extremely revealing of the function of media in society today. Truman is a typical man that has been adopted by a television network and unknowingly has his entire life broadcast on TV. He lives in a bubble (city of Seahaven) where he is completely unaware that his life is anything aside from reality.

The movie criticizes the media and consumerism in our culture by using consumerism itself, which is also known as antidote advertising. Media has obviously played a huge role in the lives that we live today, possibly manipulating everything we hold to be true. We tend to overlook the control that it has in our lives through our passiveness. The movie itself even has a quote that says, “nothing is fake… it is merely controlled.”

Some would consider this movie to be bizarre and out there, but the message the movie is conveying is that the movie is not bizarre, WE ARE. We constantly allow the manipulation and control of the media. Even when Truman has an idea or starting point of figuring out that he and his world are being controlled, the network does not even worry too much because they believe he will just go back to his normal life within a day, accepting the reality they gave him. When Truman’s dad interferes with the show, the actors forcefully pull him away. When we see or believe something we are not supposed to, the media can manipulatively pull us in a different direction. The media intrudes on our individualism by creating us how they see us to be fit by consumerism and conformity.

“We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.”

The above quote from the movie caught my attention for various reasons. Our society is always in the now. We tend to avoid questioning how our world functions because it is our reality. It is so unreasonable to assume that this is not what reality really is. We thrive on the media because it is a fake world that is created for us to escape when we cannot take the real world anymore. The real world is unwanted because reality is dirty.  Media is a space between subject and reality since reality is transmitted through media and received by the public in a different way. Like Truman, we must eventually arc to realize that is not how life is supposed to be. In order to develop ourselves as individuals and as a society, we must question our “reality.” Additionally, once something is not occurring anymore, we move into whatever is happening next. The movie ends with the cops trying to find something else that is on. They don’t even stop to think about what has just happened, they only want to be in the now.

There are multiple cinematographic elements that emphasize that Truman is being recorded and broadcast. An opening shot of the movie seems as though Truman is talking to the audience, but he is really talking to himself and to other cast members. The face-on shot gives the audience a little time to realize that Truman is not acting or speaking to the audience but merely is being manipulated for broadcast. The odd angles and shots represent hidden cameras all across the city of Seahaven representing the media watching, analyzing and basically controlling our society in all aspects of day-to-day life.

The consistently re-occurring birds eye view also reminds the citizens of the world that Truman is being filmed. It keeps the true audience (us) focused on what is actually happening rather than getting sucked into the fake story that was created that, quite frankly, does not really matter compared to the bigger picture that Peter Weir is attempting to convey. What matters is that WE are being manipulated and watched just as Truman is.

There are continuously advertisements that occur when the camera does a close-up on the character that is promoting a product. During that moment, the focus is only on that product. It resonates with the fact that we are walking advertisements as consumers because media and marketing dominate our lives.

The ocean represents the unknown as it is presented as a thread in the storyline. It initially causes the fear that Truman has throughout the film. Eventually, the ocean leads to the way that Truman finds his way out of Seahaven by conquering his fear. Truman had no clue what was out there because he was afraid, but once he subjugated his fear, he figures out that he is free. Truman lived in the fantasy for so long, we rejoice when he finally makes it back to reality.

The Truman Show is clearly The Journey archetype as Truman is a hero that is forced to discover the hard truth. When he accepts what has happened to him, he goes to the real world to experience it in a way he never had the opportunity to. Towards the end of the movie, the creator of the show even says that one of the shots is a “hero shot” when Truman is on the boat close to discovering the real world.

The antagonist in the movie is the creator of the show (who represents media) and the protagonist/hero is clearly Truman (who represents society as a whole). The creator was referred to as “Big guy,” as if he is in control of everything like God.

The whole idea of this movie is that the media has manipulated us since birth, like Truman. We are basically owned by it, and since this movie has come out, sixteen years later, things have not gotten any better. In fact, with the popularity of the smartphones and social media in our daily lives, we have far from escaped the constraint of the media. The movie had no significant effect on opening society’s eyes to no longer allowing this manipulation, however, the stance the movie took was nevertheless bold, entertaining, and mind-captivating.

Lucy

One adjective could sum up this film… thought-provoking.

The opening sceneic view of the revolutionized world with the compassionate voice of Scarlett Johansson in the background captivates the audience and immediately creates a sense of guilt and criticality of the world we live in and how we live.  The main idea is that our world began with endless potential and yet we have resorted to limiting ourselves to only focus on what’s in front of us.  Only about 10% of the typical human brain is being occupied, while dolphins are beating us in the race of using our resources with 20% of their brain occupancy usage.

Professor Norman (Morgan Freeman) is approached by the corrupted Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) about her state of brain occupancy that is quickly advancing to 100%.  She is unwillingly infected with a drug that is extremely illegal and dangerous that causes her brain to develop and the cells to collide with one another.

It is difficult for any of us to comprehend exactly what is constantly happening within the character, Lucy, because we don’t use 20%, much less 100% of our brain, nor do we know of anyone that does or ever has. As Professor Norman repeatedly says, “it’s just a theory.”  So it is hard to predict what would occur if that is to happen.  It seems as though there was a lot of research performed to make this movie as accurate as possible.  Morgan Freeman played the “expert” on the topic of brain occupancy and seemed to know as much as he could without actually having factual knowledge of what would happen.

The movie jumped around quite a bit from the very beginning.  It would jump from what was happening with Lucy, to Freeman, to the bad guys, to the world around them, and then back to Lucy.  At first, this could be confusing to the audience, but I have theorized that this “jumping around” is supposed to represent what goes on in Lucy’s brain.  She is constantly learning new things, probably millions of new things every second.  Her brain jumps from one topic to another while learning to control people, herself, and other objects.  The movie, therefore, represents the cells reacting within the character of Lucy.  Overlooked but pretty cool, right?

Just the story line is extremely captivating, but the progression of Lucy as a character falling deeper and deeper into the full brain capacity is enthralling.  Lucy’s personality diminishes  every time she acquires another percentage of brain capacity because there is no longer room for that personality, only information and control.  Personally, my eyes were glued to the screen the whole time, with the exception of when stomachs were being sliced open.  The blood, violence, and heartlessness in this movie is unnerving, so I don’t advise taking children to the movie because it is pretty disturbing to watch bags of drugs being ripped out of stomachs.  The sexual content is basically zero, as is the language, surprisingly.

And all I have to say about the editing, AMAZING.  This movie is incredibly formatted through top-knotch editing skills that realistically portrayed the drug exploring and taking over Lucy’s body system, her brain activity, and several other intense technological scenes.  There is one scene where Lucy is sitting in Times Square, in which she can control time.  She just sits as she watches Times Square devolve from modern day to 1800s to 1500s to before civilization.  It was incredible to watch something that is so unworldly and unreasonable to us, yet is exactly how the world progressed into what it is today, just backwards. We can’t imagine time moving like that.  Scenes similar to that one make me fall in love with movie-making all over again.

Overall, I would give this movie a 7/10 because of all the thought and preparation that had to go into the storyline.  I would recommend going to see it, only if you are prepared to be up for a few hours thinking about how the world around you works.  Unfortunately, I don’t think it is a movie that many people will be making second trips to go see, but it is very entertaining for a modern Sci-Fi.